Although we live in the 21st Century and no one has to program anything anymore thanks to the 4G Cloud and a facebook, there are still dorks alive who think BASIC is the kewlest, leetest, and eighties-est way to hack silicon wafers.

I am one of those misguided fools.

About a year ago I had the hankering to do some BASIC programming but I no longer have a computer that can compile it. I said to myself, "Lil Tobster, I'm sure by now someone has written an ONLINE emulator for hackin' up some BASIC, maybe I'll Google it!"

Yes. There are BASIC emus online that run in your browser. This is both BRILLIANT and *outrageously* stupid simultaneously. This is a dumbing-down along the order of using your watch as the gnomon of a sundial to determine the time. Hilarious!

There are emus for all the popular flavors of BASIC both machine-specific (TRS-80 vs. Apple DOS) and general, and the one I use is Quite Basic, basically a basic BASIC based on qbasic.

I have been writing all kinds of junk. Practical apps for the weirdness I get up to, and impractical fun apps for the *serious* weirdness I get up to.

Example (feel free to cut and paste into the emulator):

1000 rem Drippy Faucet by Tob

1001 cls

1100 REMEMBER TO SET CANVAS TO 50x50 !!

1110 for q = 0 to 49

1120 plot q,0,"black"

1130 next q

1200 for r = 1 to 44

1220 plot 15,r,"black"

1230 next r

1250 for s = 16 to 21

1260 plot s,45,"black"

1270 next s

1280 plot 22,44,"black"

1300 for t = 17 to 19

1320 plot t, 46,"black"

1340 plot t, 44, "black"

1360 plot t, 48, "black"

1380 next t

1390 plot 18,47,"black"

1400 for u = 1 to 4

1420 plot 17,u,"black"

1440 plot 27,u,"black"

1460 next u

1500 for v = 18 to 26

1520 plot v,1,"cyan"

1540 plot v,2,"cyan"

1560 next v

1800 rem Splanknic Ganglion

1810 let y = 43

1820 let g = -.01

1830 let x = 22

1900 for p = 1 to 20

2000 rem Shock your monkey

2020 for w = y to 1 step g

2040 plot x,w,"cyan"

2060 pause 50

2080 plot x,w,"gray"

2100 let g = g*2

2120 if w<23 then let w = 3

2140 next w

2500 rem donkey

2510 plot x,w,"cyan"

2530 pause 100

2550 plot x,w,"gray"

2570 plot x+1,w+1,"cyan"

2590 plot x-1,w+1,"cyan"

2600 pause 105

2610 plot x+1,w+1,"gray"

2630 plot x-1,w+1,"gray"

2670 plot x+2,w,"cyan"

2690 plot x-2,w,"cyan"

2700 pause 25

2720 plot x+2,w,"gray"

2740 plot x-2,w,"gray"

2850 let k = int(rnd(6))+1

2860 pause k*500

2990 let y = 43 : let g = -.01

2900 next p